We've got a secret! It's OK to Slow down!
Updated: Apr 26, 2019
Chrissy is a licensed marriage and family therapist, creative career coach, and podcast host of "The Sure, Babe podcast" In this episode, we talk about motherhood in all of its stages, and finding your passion in work and personal life. Chrissy explains trauma A and B and helps us understand when we have been imprinted and can benefit from help.
What if you are the person that has more than one interest? It's a common belief that we start hearing about in elementary school. A pressure that says we need to decide what we want to be when we grow up. We spend our childhood education trying to answer that question and go off to college to get a degree in that one thing. Some humans are born with a knowing; they never doubt their passion and can march straight into their career path without ever looking back. But what about those of us who don't know or even find ourselves holding multiple passions or gifts? There can be shame attached to this idea that we may dabble in many endeavors rather than just one. We feel pressure to choose the interest that makes the most money vs. what brings the most joy. If we can step into the confidence of owning who we are as multi-faceted beings, we can begin to make room for the things that light us up! We think its a gift to have varied interests just as much as we honor those who have always known who they are and what they want to do!
How do young moms with a side hustle fit it, work, kids, spouse, home, etc.? Chrissy shared the importance of asking for help and slowing down during the busy seasons of life. It's ok to put the brakes on your creative endeavors while you bathe in the magic of a new baby, or when you go from single to married or from one child to two. Sometimes life hurles significant obstacles at us, and we have to step back from our routine to heal. We have to allow time to replenish after a shift in life happens and then when you do go back to your work, find the in-between moments and make the most of them.
How can we learn from failures? Every day gives us an opportunity for growth. Some days are just total losses. It's a good practice to evaluate those moments when everything went wrong when the foundation cracked and see where we could have done better. We want to look for growth in the failures because they can be our greatest tool for navigating. Sometimes we have to experience how we got something wrong before we can appreciate all of the moments that we get it right!
It's so easy to get lost in the routine of day to day life. We have to shake things up and interrupt the patterns. There is a reason we put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before helping our children. If we neglect self-care and personal passions, we become emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. When we allow ourselves to become depleted, it's challenging to show up as the best version of ourselves for those who matter the very most. We can shake things up by asking, what lights you up and makes you excited? Then without hesitation make time to commit to your passion. Give it air and water to grow and breathe!
How do we know what we are supposed to do when we are so unsure? Not knowing is ok. Learning about yourself with meditation can help you connect to the things that bring you joy. Chrissy has a meditation practice of Inviting all your parts to the table, the little girl the teenager, the young adult, the grown up. While breaking bread with all aspects of yourself, honor her and celebrate her. Sometimes a little bit of magic happens, and you can witness yourself with new eyes. What have you always loved? What we're the things that called to you as a child? And what do the people in your life come to you for? Ask friends or family what they like about you, what do they rely on you to offer and what do they see as your gifts? Sometimes others appreciate us in a way that we don't always see. Let them be a resource for self-discovery.
As we embrace our strengths, we need to rise up and help our children discover their emotions, which will help them understand where they are strong. It's such an important developmental and survival skill that we need to emulate and teach. Emotional intelligence starts in the home. We have to allow our kids to feel and cope with their emotions as they move through phases of growth. They need to learn to identify anger, sadness, joy, loneliness, fear, etc. When they can name their emotions, we set them up to be successful adults who can heal from trauma when life gets hard. Offering choices and empowering them to understand what they are feeling and how they can create solutions is one of the greatest gifts we can offer them. Rather than discipline when big emotions are happening, help teach them awareness around feelings, and how to manage those enormous feelings.
How do we prepare for the stages of motherhood? Engaging in self-care along the way helps prepare for the time when kids get older. It's so important to find time to be creative and make space for your passions. It's ok to have babysitters so that you can have breaks or just time to enhance the talents that you were meant to share. Self-care will be the vehicle that takes you into the future when the kids grow up, and eventually, begin their journey. You also have to mourn the changes and losses that you feel as your kids grow up and eventually take their own wheel and move on to their own adventures. Taking time for yourself along the way and making time to fulfill your dreams, will leave you with a lifetime of growth and ability to handle each stage as it comes. It's never too late to go back to school, or dive into a new interest or trade. Find workshops and community events that excite you, and make time to explore.
We discuss trauma and how it changes our biology and can manifest years later. We have to seek help for these moments that imprint our souls. We all carry wounds. If we don't look at it and manage it, we will see it emerge later, and it can take you down. Our brains are neuroplastic, and we can change our biology after a traumatic event. What is the original wound that haunts you? If you can identify it as abandonment, shame, fear, etc. you can address it with each stressful event that lands in your lap. You can ask yourself, is this the original wound? Or does it just feel like it? Breaking it down in this way allows us to see our way through the shadows a little bit better. It also helps us manage our reactions. Regardless of your difficulties, trauma's and wounds, big or small, we always recommend therapy as a tool to heal. Always Be gentle with yourself and remember, we are all on a journey. If we can help shine a light for others, eventually we can all help each other along the pilgrimage to find JOY!
To learn more about Chrissy and her work visit the following links.