• theartofjoypodcast

Relationship, Boundaries + Self worth

"Greatest loves of my life:

Abby. Kiddos. Sister. Coffee. BOUNDARIES.

If I weren't married, I would marry boundaries. Boundaries are my best life hack of all time.

Listen: it is not kind to keep people close and hate them. If somebody's continuing to drive you nuts... why are you choosing The Continuing?

If you don't wanna keep getting wet- close the window.

Okay that's all I love you to the moon. "

G ~ Glennon Doyle

Boundaries are hard. They seem harsh with prickly edges. But loving yourself is also one of the hardest endeavors. Our culture has told us that we need to be self-sacrificing and put others first. But we are learning and growing and realizing that we have to care for ourselves first if we are ever going to move forward with healing and enlightenment. How can we teach our children to be better if we don't show them the way? Setting boundaries is the first step towards self-love, confidence, and becoming the trailblazer of personal development and growth.

Confidence and self-worth are embezzled on the back of NO boundaries. You become a welcome mat for those who thrive on the control they seek by taking advantage of others. Do not arbitrate you'r worth with those who seek to withdraw all of your energy for their own gain.

How do you know if you have fallen prey to a relationship lacking guidelines?

If you feel like you don't have a decision making voice.

You don't know anything about your families finances. 

You feel like you are being manipulated/controlled.

False information is spread about you and you'r worth.

Your spouse doesn't let you see your family or friends.

You feel like you have no voice. 

There is no respect for your time.

Feeling drained in the relationship.

It's more than OK to say NO to anything that doesn't bring you joy. We are all unique and contribute our own brand of amazingness to the world. We don't have to join the PTA or be in a carpool or babysit other children, just because it seems like everyone else is doing that. We get to offer the world our own gifts in our own way with our own rules.

And we absolutely do not have to keep company with toxic people who tear us down, take more than they give and spread untruths about who we are to others. The hardest boundaries to make and to keep are with those who we think should be the closest like family and very close friends. If any relationship is worth investing in, then you will let the most intimate people in your life know exactly how you need them to show up for you. This is the kindest thing you can do for everyone. If you cannot be met at the door with respect for your self-worth, then shut the door. Slam that door. You are not a welcome mat that relationships wipe their feet on before entering the canyons of your beautiful soul. You are the light that gets to be shared with another when they walk through your door with respect, love, and kindness. You want your deposits and withdrawals to find a natural balance. If more is being taken than given, then its time to rise. Be the trailblazer, speak your truth, hold on tight, and wait. If a relationship is worth fighting for, this balance will happen. If not, then you just cleared the way for new relationships to show up for you. The greatest act of love for yourself and others is to demand respect. If you have to keep a loved one at arm's length to avoid abuse, you are teaching your children that they don't have to be abused. Its hard, but take steps towards yourself. You deserve to love and be loved.

Brene Brown, our Queen, says this...

"Don't walk through the world looking for evidence that you don't belong because you always find it our worth and belonging are not negotiated with other people. Negotiating your worth with others means that you don't belong to yourself, you belong to them." ~Brene Brown

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