Are you perfect? Are you worthy?
Brene Brown says that “when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun and fear is in the back seat.” Striving for perfection is really an attempt to hide shame, or seek approval from others. It becomes a veil that we hide under. Its the question that we hold in our psyche that says “what will people think” In this episode Brene Brown shares examples of armor that can become clues. If we catch ourselves in these situations, we can turn them around. Gossip is a biggie, we all fall into this trap. We criticize those who are putting themselves out there in an attempt to mask our own insecurities. Being Argumentative, Controlling, always apologizing, defensive, cynical. are just a few coverups for shame. We both felt an enlightened moment when Brene said that “Perfectionism is one of the most contagious types of armor. If you have it you are passing it down!” We agree that in our efforts to do better and be better, this is a trait we want to understand fully so that we can set examples of authenticity to our children and grandchildren.
We talk about self worth and how we tend to attach it to someones evaluation of us. In life we are always being evaluated, especially in work, school and religion. Its imperative to separate our self worth from those evaluations that we have no control over.. Its easy in these moments to loose all sense of self worth when one or multiple people point out mistakes, or personal taste. If you are giving all of your effort to a situation and the outcome doesn’t reflect what you put in, steer clear of attaching that to self worth. Remember that you cant please everyone or manage the worlds expectations. You can do your best and feel good about that. You can learn from your mistakes and keep climbing because you deserve it!
When we cant breathe under the pressure of being perfect, another vice is to numb. Numbing takes form in many ways. Eating, shopping, drinking, drugs. Anything to distract us from thinking about the 1 million ways we don’t measure up. Sometimes it feels easier to shut down the breakthrough moments, and uncomfortable calls to action. If we can resist the numbing and sit in the dark, we have the ability to make our way toward brighter days and evolved living.
Foreboding Joy really opened our eyes. Its so natural to step into the flow of success and happiness, only to sabotage it with the fear of the sky falling. Or imagining the absolute worst scenarios as a thief robbing us of our moments to shine. We loved what Brene had to say about foreboding joy. Essentially she suggests that when we find ourself in that pattern, we can interrupt ourselves and replace the horror story with gratitude for the moment. Offering gratitude to the good moments, reinforces the energy of success that we all want. If we can take up residency in the art of gratitude, more and more joy will find its way into our hearts souls and minds.
Worthiness. This life is a journey. We never know what we will be asked to endure. The only thing we can know for sure, is that every single human will have to go through ups and downs. The stories will vary and level of drama’s may seem different, but we are all here to explore and experience all of the emotions, good, bad, impossible and joyful. Knowing that, the message has to be that WE ARE ALL WORTHY. We are all worthy of love, acceptance, and compassion. Everyone struggles and makes mistakes. If we can find worthiness as a compass to navigate our worst of times, we can rise as more awake and conscious beings that can then hold space for those who need it most. Worthiness should always be our companion, even when we don’t think we deserve it.
Link to the Oprah Brene Brown episode.